Michael Fumento

Terrence Jones, 20, of Washington, D.C. is on trial for the murder of Tanganika Stanton, whom he shot through the heart two years ago. Stanton, 18, was sitting outside her apartment building eating a hamburger that her mother had fixed for her. Jones saw her, said he wanted one, and asked both women to make it for him. The mother and daughter said no.Are tofu burgers the answer to the crime problem?

So Jones left, returned with a gun, and fired what a witness called a "large volley of gunfire." He hit Stanton's mother in the foot, while another round passed through Stanton's left shoulder and pierced her heart. Jones is charged with second-degree murder while armed.

Obviously there's utterly no excuse for his actions. Except . . .

In proof yet again that satire is dead (Yes, I know I've repeatedly used that expression, but that's because we keep getting proof yet again that satire is dead) PETA sent a letter to the head of the D.C. Department of Corrections urging him to place Jones on an all-vegetarian diet."The only way to stop his involvement in senseless killings is to provide him with exclusively vegetarian meals," wrote the organization's executive vice president Tracy Reiman.

Forget that since he's in custody you could probably force-feed him beef, pork, and kidney pie and he would no longer be involved in senseless killings. Sadly, if you live in the D.C. area you hear about all sorts of "senseless killings" that add real meaning to the term, such as murdering somebody for his jacket and in the process ruining it with bullet holes.

Apparently it never occurred to PETA that a man who is so lacking in having his own heart that he's willing to shoot another person who does have a heart for a hamburger would also do the same for a tofu burger. Jones isn't the only one here who's deranged.