Michael Fumento

First, Britney Spears, who is literally paid millions of dollars to be in shape, cannot do so. (It's not like she's a singer or anything.) I'd just die for a body like she had. Um, well, you get my drift. Her next song should be "Feed Me Baby One More Time."

I'm reminded of a story I told in my "The Fat of the Land" obesity book in which an actor who was slated to play Tarzan to Bo Derek's Jane, complete with semi-nude scenes, lost the job because he couldn't lose weight! For Bo Derek!

But then again, the medical files are replete with people told they'll die without an operation but that they can't be operated on until they lose some weight. So they die.

And finally, while waiting at the drug store yesterday to pick up a prescription there were five people in front of me. All obese. I'm sure they were all just getting allergy medicine like I was. The one directly in front of me had a half gallon of ice cream in his beefy left hand while the beefy right hand contained two boxes of South Beach Diet bars. Ya can't make these things up!