Michael Fumento

Beginning with my first embed, I studied the graffiti inside latrines for signs of a decay in morale. I figured soldiers and Marines would be a lot more honest when scribbling from the can than when interviewed by a reporter -- although in fact on my second trip I did encounter some disgruntled reservists who had no inhibitions. This time, though, I found no political graffiti at all. I did find two racist scribblings, but only two. Mostly, it seems, I found references to Chuck Norris. I saw those last time, too. The Norris references have nothing to do with WWII's "Kilroy was here." They're just silly ditties from guys with a black felt-tip pen and perhaps not enough fiber in their diets. Ahem! Among them:

• Most hand cleaners kill 99.9% of bacteria; Chuck Norris kills 100% of whatever he wants.
• Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
• There is no such thing as global warming; Chuck Norris got cold and turned up the sun.
• Chuck Norris has a beard because razors are scared of his face.
• Chuck Norris died December 18, 1979. Death is too afraid to tell him.